Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Mom said you looked used
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
