When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
