i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize