so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
