I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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