I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
