Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
