That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
