Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
