i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
