don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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