my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
