Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
