Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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