I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
