he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
