I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
