she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
