So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
