i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
