Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
