I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
