I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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