you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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