i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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