it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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