How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
