I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
