It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
