Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
