he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
