i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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