Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
