Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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