i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
