I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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