You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
