someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Randomize