dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Floor bacon is actually really good
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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