Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
