eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
