My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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