$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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