Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
