problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
