'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
