These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
