so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
