Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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