just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
