forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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