I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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