hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
