She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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