is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
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Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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