so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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