Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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